Doing the “Right” Thing?

As I write this, I’m 24 years old. In just 5 months from now I’ll turn 25. A critical age for most young men. The age where many believe you have to “have your shit together”. The unfortunate truth is that most people never have their shit together. So how do you know if you’re at least doing the “right” thing?

It’s a question that has perturbed my mind the last year or so. In early 2022, I started seeing my current girlfriend. We’ve broken up a couple of times and managed to always find our ways back to one another. I love her more than I’ve ever loved another woman in my life (outside of my mother & sisters, of course). But one thing’s for sure. She’s made me question ~almost~ everything I thought to be true about life. As a man, your responsibility is to become wildly successful and you should always be on the lookout for opportunities to increase your likelihood of success. True, or false? Or somewhere in the middle? You should always show your partner love & compassion, in every situation. Not necessarily. When she’s telling you her problems, she wants you to fix them. Definitely. Fucking. Not.

So many of the beliefs that I had built up for myself over the years. The lenses that I viewed the world. A junk drawer of mindsets, quotes, and values that I have collected, stored, and locked away all brought out into broad daylight and examined one by one for their merit, their accuracy, and their originality. Essentially, my entire personality put on display. Not for the world to see, but for me to see. For me to dissect in the mirror if I am doing the right thing.

On paper, I was. Mostly. I had a great job at a cool startup. I was making good money. I had interesting friends. I was in excellent shape. I had a beautiful girlfriend. But something wasn’t adding up. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t confident. I wasn’t “myself”, as she so often said. I couldn’t bear to understand what that meant. It’s taken almost a year to learn this. Looking back, it’s obvious. While I had a great job, I was too focused on what was next. While I was making good money, I was spending every dollar I made. While I had interesting friends, I was too consumed with myself. While I was in excellent shape, I was binge eating & drinking every chance I got. While I had a beautiful girlfriend, I was so worried about losing her. From the outside looking in, I was doing the right things. On the inside, I was miserable.

Doing the right thing isn’t just some virtue signal, lecture on morality by your parents, or what feels right in the moment. It isn’t going to the gym every day, eating healthy, and going to church either. It’s not doing what your friends are doing, just because they’re more successful, smarter, or richer than you. In my experience, the “right” things can only be found through extensive self reflection, truly ~knowing~ thy self. Let me paint a picture for you.

In 1991, 1992, and 1993 Michael Jordan had won three back-to-back-to-back NBA championships with the Chicago Bulls. At the height of his game, his fame, and his power, he walked away from basketball to pursue a career as a professional baseball player. At the time, everyone on Earth could have looked at Jordan and assumed that he wasn’t doing the “right” thing. Hell, even today people might still say that it was a bad decision. But Jordan saw this as an opportunity. The pressure of fame, the pain of losing his father, and the burn out of his own accomplishments had become too much. Heavy is the head who wears the crown. But baseball? It was a healthy distraction. An ode to his father. A challenge worth the pursuit. In February 1994, Jordan signed a contract with the Chicago White Sox. That summer, he hit the field for the Birmingham Barons, a Double-A affiliate team of the Sox. In 127 games, he batted a .202 and led the team with 114 strikeouts. In his summer debut, he wasn’t just the worst hitter on the team, but in the entire Southern League.

To some, this seemed like a waste of time. To others, a disappointment. Even Walt Hriniak, a former White Sox hitting guru said ““I didn’t expect him to tear it up, but I expected him to do better.” Phil Jackson, Jordan’s former championship coach, had different opinions. He remarked that the Jordan that arrived in 95’ was a different man than the Jordan that had left just two years prior. Jordan himself admits that “I realized I had kind of lost that in the realm of what was happening to me in basketball. I was on the pedestal for so long that I forgot about the steps to get to that. That’s what Minor League baseball did to me.” Then over the next three years, in 1996, 1997, and 1998, Jordan went on to win three more NBA championships with the Bulls and cement himself in history the greatest basketball player of all time. Had it not been for the opportunity to play Minor League Baseball, would we still believe this to be true? Had Jordan done the “right” thing, would we still consider him the goat?

The picture I’m trying to paint here is that the “right” thing is subjective. Only you can determine what is “right” and what is wrong, for you. What looks “right” in the moment, or is “right” to someone else, may be the opposite of what’s truly “right” for you. Jordan knew himself too well. He knew he was at his limits. He knew he needed a change. If you don’t know yourself. Your underlying motives. Your truest desires. Your “why”…you might end up like I did. You might be there right now. Looks good on paper, but underneath is fucking chaos. If you’re there, or feel like you’re on a train headed that direction, I recommend starting with a notebook (not everyone can give up the NBA for the MLB). Your choice, but I love an old fashioned composition book. So grab a pen, start writing, and question everything. Somewhere between those lines you’ll find whats “right” for you. When you find it, I recommend you lean into it. Who knows where it will take you. Who knows how fulfilled you may be on the other side. That is for you to find out, my dear reader.

If you decide to do this, or you liked this article, send me your thoughts!